Updated: May 14, 2020
Author: Lisa McCallum, Divorce Specialist, Vlogger, Speaker, Author
I never even considered the option of divorce. The only option in my mind was to fix whatever wasn’t feeling right between the two of us.
Just fix it.
I even went as far as to say “I will take all of the blame for whatever the hell is happening. Somebody, anybody. Please God just fix this.”
These are the words of a client of mine who desperately wanted to fix the problems between her and her husband even to the extent of putting it all on herself.
She just wanted to be happy, fulfilled and to get on with her life.
She was enduring the pain for years. The pain of being so completely disconnected to her husband. She needed deep emotional connection. She reached out for support, she asked for what she needed. For many reasons his lack of being able to express his feelings and support hers left her emotionally depleted.
This was their repetitive cycle.
After having lots of counselling, separate and together, she realized that she needed to get herself happy and healthy. She was not his counselor and nor were his childhood wounds hers to carry.
It wasn’t until a close friend reminded her of something she forgot along the journey – that she had options.
She said, “what do you mean? What options?”
“You could leave.”
My client’s first reaction was that she might as well stay in the marriage and fix their problems, or she would just repeat this cycle in another relationship.
The answer back to her was…not necessarily.
It was then we had our consult, where she finally had her “aha” moment. An incredibly unique feeling of hope and an answer appeared to her. It just never felt like an option before. Her only option was to stay. Her religious upbringing, society, status, family and friends all made her feel this way.
It was in this one moment where a light went on inside of her questioning the possibility of a better life for herself and her children.
She did try to fix it. She tried everything. The counselling for herself, years of counselling, getting him to counselling, counselling together, asking for her needs, telling him what she wanted, pleading and begging for it.
She realized that for many reasons he would not and could not give her what she needed and deserved. She also realized, just as profoundly, that she could not give him what he needed either. He had to work on himself, heal his wounds. How long was this going to take? Another 15 years?
She knew they both deserved better.
As another client of mine reads this, the tears roll down his face. These are his feelings. This is his story too. No one could ever quite put his feelings, thoughts and experiences into words quite like this.
He knew he had to make the break. He had suffered way too long and so had his wife. They both needed to be set free. Free to find the love they are both deserving of from another relationship - the relationship within themselves and then with a new partner.
Do you know what you need?
What do you desire? What do you want? Do you know what you deserve? Isn’t it time you asked for it? Isn’t it time you owed it to your spouse, your children and most importantly to yourself the answer to these questions?
It is time to see if you can salvage your marriage or not. It is time to seek your truth.
Our consult will help you answer these questions. You will have the direction you need, once and for all. The most important decision of your life can not be in the hands of your family and friends. Making a bad decision with the wrong people will set you back.
It is time to make yourself a priority.
Book your consult now with me and let’s get you in the right direction.
Click here to chat with Lisa.
View the video welcoming Lisa to the Fresh Start Mediation Team below!